i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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