my soul wont recognize me after tonight
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
