Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My hand turned me down
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
