we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
