Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
