yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
