I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
