Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
