Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
