there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
