Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
