The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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