Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
