Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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