Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
