I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
