my sisters under your porch take her home
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
