i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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