He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
