So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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