She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
