did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
