I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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