I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
