lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
