he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
