Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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