just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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