WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
