Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
