it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
