Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
