you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
BRING THE BAGELS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
