Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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