I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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