I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
