I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
