can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
