I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
