I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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