I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
