It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
