It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
