Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
