forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
