cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
