You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize