you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
