A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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