Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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