why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
