His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
