Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
