Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
