Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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