I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
