Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I currently don't understand fingers.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
