I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
