I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
