he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
