Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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