I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
