i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
