someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
