At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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