About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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