what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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