I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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