You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
