She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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