Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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