i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
