If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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