can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
