I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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