my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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