Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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