Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
