We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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