Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
