i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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