Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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