my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
