i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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