Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
