Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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