new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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