this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
