road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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