You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
