we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
