I heard we made out
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
