I wish I could teleport
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In America we eat man semen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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