3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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