Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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