I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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