I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
