the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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