I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
